Taking stock...

It is hard to believe that next Thursday I will be typing from Germany again.
I woke up and realized that a lot is going on that I A) Didn't want to deal with or B) Didn't realize was going on.
I am holding off on school until January and then I am just going to finish the four classes I need for the degree I was already working on.
I also realized I have ben eating and spending my grief away - to a point, I believe Lance has been too. We're both over weight and it shows. Logan is even a bit chunkier although I don't think his is totally because of "eating" like ours is.
I don't know how people see me honestly.
I think about everything that has happened in my life and the only thing I know for sure is that God is with me.
Maybe I haven't been living it out like I thought I was or how I want to be, but I realized that today.
I am taking stock in who I am and who I want to be.
It's hard to look at yourself in the mirror and see the potential that others and God sees in you.
I was in the shower thinking and I realized that I need to take the next two months to get my home in order, my weight in check, and love on my soon before I head dive into school.
I also have plenty of baking to get to and all that sort of stuff for the holidays.
Often times it's hard for me to wait on things, but I am going to do it this time and really take care of my family and myself, also healing some more too.
I know there are more hard days ahead, but I am ready for them and am taking them head on.