My Son the Giant & Tales of Home..

So, I go to put Logan's shoes on and it's
a struggle. I find the pair of Children's Place
shoes I got thrift and put them on, they work
and so I set of to to my days errands.
One of them was to stop at the PX and get a
few things. So, while I was there I went to the
shoe section. They have this foot chart where
you measure kids feet and so I took Logan's shoes
off and had him stand on it. He was totally in a five,
wait, when did this happen??? My son was litterally
just a three a couple of months ago. So, needless to
say I found two pairs of shoes and got them size six
and he has the ones he was wearing. Thank goodness
my Aunt bought those size 7's for him before we left
Colorado, because it's the case of the Jolly Green Giant
here!

Lance is going training until Friday. I miss him. If deployments
suck, it really sucks knowing he's an hour and a half away and
can't be here. You figure we've been seperated enough, but let
me tell you it never gets easier...

I have my PWOC tea tomorrow and then the rest of the week
is pretty up in the air. I needed to slow down anyways...

Fog Anyone?

Well as the title says, "Fog anyone?"
It is really foggy today.
I had to drive in it at 0515 to get Lance to the kennels.
He's going down to Misau to train and certify with his dog, Karlo.
I am praying they both do well. Due to Lance's deployment and
then our ER leave, he doesn't have that many hours on the books
and I am just praying they certify.
Anyway, back to the fog.
I hate driving in it. It is creepy. Not horror movie creepy, just
can't see how the road turns creepy. Needless to say I went really
slow.
This weekend was okay. Friday was my birthday and Saturday
and Sunday, was good, lots of us time.

I am looking forward to Christmas and focus on Christ's birth.
It will be great.........

December 5th and 6th, THE GERMAN LIFE.

Yesterday was my birthday.
I can hardly believe I am 24 yrs. old.
Next week on the 12th I will have a 16 month old.
Where does the time go?
The day saw Logan and I together and then later after Lance got home from work we went out and had dinner at this German place called,"The Buffalo Steakhouse." It was really good and the portions were worth the money. It was great we had a sitter, the alone time was nice.
I am really happy to be back.
There is some "red" military tape, but there's always things you don't like anywhere you go.
That is just life.
I am not sure some people understand what being here in Germany really means. Cheaper travel and an experience of a life time. People pay thousands of dollars to come over here..ya know. I am thankful for the oppotunity to live here.

Today, we went downtown. The Christmas market in town is a blaze and things are just
naturally hopping on Saturday though as Sunday everything everywhere is closed.
We just walked and looked around really.
Got a pastry, bread, it was yummy.
I kept watching everything - It is amazing to me how it is so much like the US and how different it is. There are many cultures living here. You see people of all colors walking around and sharing in life - that is how it is the same, but then they're speaking different languages and just a lot more set on community. That's how it is different.

Now we're home and I think planning on a family nap and then we finally have to get rid of these boxes. They never came for them, so we have to put them in our storage unit until we can get ahold of them to come and get them at last........

Let it SNOW Let it SNOW Let it SNOW...

There is a lot of snow outside.
Bible study was canceled because of it.
I am still wondering weather I should do the
two things I need to do or not.
In other news, things are finally settling down.
I am very excited, because I may be doing the PWOC Newsletter and some PR.
I am excited because my talents are in the writing and arts and this would just be a great and Godly way for me to use my gifts.
I believe it is a calling for me, to get in there and use my gifts, to not be shy, and put myself out there no matter what people say. Sometimes it's hard for me to keep that focus.
I stamped one Christmas card invite that I needed to do. Now I have like 8 other cards I need to do. Good thing there is craft night tomorrow.
I also got a shower gift ready and stamped the tag - I just need a time to go and do it.
Logan is really cute these days..mostly.
He is getting his molars, so that's no fun, but he is just a great little almost 16 month old.
I mean he is just babbling away. Says some word, but mostly still babble. He is very sure of himself which he gets from his Daddy and a talker, like his Mommy. I think he is also a good bit of us both as he at times is laid back like Lance and then at times emotional like me.

Well I just thought I would blurb that all is well over here.
I am still not sure weather to just embrass the snow or not.
Guess I'll have to see when I am out in it today, HaHa.

Peace on Earth, and goodwill to men (hummanity.)

German wonders & Other Life Things

I am sitting here eating German Hazelnut yougurt because I am not buying American yogurt in single quanities and it is way too expensive to boot. As I am sitting here, I realize this stuff is actually really good. I bought four lil' cases of four different flavors. I love yogurt, so this works for me. It is a bit odd until you realize you mix it and the Hazelnut stuff is on the bottom. We get some of our produce at the commissary from Germany and our eggs and cheese from Denmakr - so it's very interesting. I just love being able to experience culture in such a simple ways. So, my advice - DON'T KNOCK IT UNTIL YOU TRY IT, when it comes to FOOD.

On the other front, the house just keeps getting better and better. I am trying to clean it daily rather than wait on things. It is a bit of a pain, but having white tiles in my kitchen and bathroom sure make my OCD self do it. We put a gate up and Logan is learning to play in his room. It is a bit tough to put things away and get stuff out of the way with a toddler at your feet. But we're all figuring it out.

He is sleeping very well in his new room and new toddler bed. I love that he now has space to be a kid in there. His other room was so small that I was glad he only spend 6 months in it. That whole apartment never felt like home and when we got back from the states, the damage made that feeling even worse. So, now I am just happy that my apartment finally, truly, is a home for us.

We will probably decorate for Christmas this weekend, not sure about the tree part though. I would like to get a small table top tree. I know that sounds strange, but I have Kid distructo living with me and don't want to have to say,"No," every other second, but we'll see.

So..Life is great!

I feel good, na-na-na...

I feel really accomplished.
Once the moving company comes on Tuesday we will pretty much be done
with our apartment, a week after. That is like some record for us I do believe.

I actually slept last night/today. From 2300-0730. I was actually really tired
once we got back from Ramstien. But I got up got showered and went to the PX.
I pretty much got what I needed for the apartment, yesterday and today. I then
went to the commissary. I only went in for a few things, but then I stopped by the
Clearence rack and oh my goodness it was packed. I pretty much picked it clean.
I got snacks for the guys, ceral, oatmeal, ziplock containers and a few box items.
All in all I spent $165 and will not have to go back to the store except for milk and a ham for Christmas until the last week in December if not the beginning of January. I don't know why some people frown on like dented stuff. I mean sa long as it's not seeping out or spilling on
you when you pick it up I don't see any issue. Also, we've been stopping by our shopette
and buying up the wheat bread. They put it out on 50% off a few days before it is to expire
and we get it and I freeze it, so I have 5 loaves in the freezer. People talk about the economy
like that's why they're finally thinking about their money, but me I never want to spend more
than I have to on something no matter what's going on.

So, I am very happy about that. I have chili going for dinner tonight and I felt great. I need to go now..I have to deal with laundry, mopping the kitchen floor, and putting more stuff away.

But as always life is gosh darn GOOD!

My place..

I feel pretty good.
Five days since we've moved in and
at last our apartment here in Wiesbaden,
is looking like home!
I am keeping tighter reigns on this place
after what I saw in our old place and
weeding out items we no longer need or
want. Having it all in boxes has helped a
ton with that.
I am making a little cash off of them too,
which of course is great.
I am just really going to not buy to buy.
It is crazy how much stuff we have accumilated
of our almost 5 yr. marriage.
and then with Logan..
After being gone almost 9 months I came
back to lots of 0-6 months stuff.
Anyway...I am very happy at how my place looks,
and I will have pictures up soon.

Post-Thanksigiving..

So, Black Friday here in Wiesbaden with one store, the PX was a bust.
Last year they actually had good discounts on clothing and stuff, this year nothing.
Good thing Christmas is already bought and I didn't wait for today.
For our 0530 wake up call we got 2 $20 AAFES gift cards which I am happy
and thankful for and that's pretty much it. What I walked out with was a mop and some cleaning stuff I actually needed wtih or without the holiday.

So, beside that, I made $101 dollars selling some of our things that I have weeded
out of the boxes. I am sure there will be more stuff to sell as we continue our final
unpacking. I am very pleased. We going to drop off the stuff tomorrow and go visit some friends on Ramstien AFB. The bonus is that we also get lunch at Chilis - it's the only one around, so I am very excited for the company and food.

I just kept praising God for everything he has given us.

Lance got Rockband for Christmas and three games because that's all he wanted.
I got my laptop, well it's ours, then my table set, a FREE puppy, and I am getting make up and stamps soon for my bday as well as Christmas. Logan got , an Aquadoodle - Spin Master, a pull toy and a few odds and ends I am buying off a nice woman tomorrow at Ramstien. So none of us are in want and each of us is very bless.

Off to finally finish unpacking and to do some laundry!

Other Stuff..

Well other then cleaning at O-dark thirty and getting the ham in the oven,
I posted on Ramstien yard sales PS2 games and DVDS..it's like a craiglist site
and in five minutes I had three views, about an hour later I have eight. It's a
pretty awesome site, I have already sold Logan's co-sleeper. I am hoping his
other stuff we'll go. We'll have a yard sale in the Spring of what doesn't go and
some stuff we will thrift. I am happy we're weeding out stuff now. We still have
about 18 months here, but I just feel convicted a bit about our materialism and
so if we're not simply in love with it or if it's use is done for us...IT IS GONE! The
extra little cash will be nice and I think we've decided that it'll go in our Vacations
trips account.

I "injected" a PIG...

Before you get all crazy it was a ham already,
so I don't think the pig had any sort of feelings about it.
I found this ham kit and it's this glaze you inject into the meat.
A praline glaze. Yum.
It sure looked like Lance enjoyed stabbing the ham too, well must admit the one time I did it, it was sort of fun...
Wonder what that says about us?
Maybe it's our Marriage counseling, just kidding.

Hamm..Hammm..Yummmm!

Happy Thanksgiving..

First of all before I start rambling on..HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
It is a day that is about more than turkey, we should all say Thank you to the Lord for all that was have as individuals, families, and especially as Americans!

Second, I am up early, AGAIN.
It's 0324 and I have been up for about two hours.
We went to bed around 2130 and for some reason I just rolled over and am wide awake.
Good thing we don't have to be to our friend's house until 1230 and the ham only takes 2 1/2 hours to cook - cause I know I will be paying for this soon.

Third, For those of you who may not know I got a Yorkie.
We named him, Colby-Jack..you know like the cheese.
Yeah, we're keeping up the food and drink names. It is just easier and funnier that way!
So, I picked him up yesterday, for free I might add. The woman and her family just didn't have patience or the time for him as they so put it. He is almost 9 months old and is a real sweetheart. We will have to potty train him and teach him his basic skills, but as Lance said, "I'd rather have an untrained dog anyways." Colby has papers and all of his gear came with him too, the best part is he is fixed, so I don't have to do anything now, but love him, walk, and feed him. He also needs to be groomed and I am getting him an appointment for that as well. I bathed him, but he needs a serious cut - then all will be well with him. He is just one of my many blessings!

Fourth, We also signed out of our old apartment yesterday. Lance and I did a basic scrub down, no serious elbow grease and at 1405 Lance calls and says it's done. I thought he meant the oven was cleaned because that's what twe had talked about previously, but it was actually the whole inspection. Again God blessed us, because - because they are remodeling the building we didn't have to have professionals come in or do hardcore cleaning ourselves. So, that was great. Now, here in our new place we're just unpacking and I am trying to keep up with the wash, cleaning, and stuff that is still happen despite the fact we've still got boxes. Also, I am weeding out junk and stuff that can go - so really, it's that whole "fresh start," type of feel going on right now. I am not really hanging too much up this time. They warned us about to many pictures in the new place..but right as you walk in I do have Arianna's memorial-ish picture up..under my copper picture of Praying hands. I figure it is the best way to honor her. Everyone will see her as they enter our home. Other then that I am not sure what else will go up. I am thinking of just ordering decals to put up and finish the look..but considering I have boxes to go through...I have plenty of time! HaHa.

Well here's to finally being on track..

The BOY, that means LOGAN!

Logan Gabriel!
That boy is my heart.
I say boy now. When did he turn from a baby into a boy?
I will be 24 years old on the 5th of December.
A week later on the 12th Logan will be 16 months old.
Man time flies.
Last years nursery theme was, "Winnie the Pooh."
This years bed room theme is,"Elmo & Sesame Street."
He likes Sesame Street, but LOVES Elmo.
Currently, though, he loves his ICE tent.
I found it a IKEA last night for 8 Euro.
Now both Lance and Logan are squashed into it.
Boys!
I think that I have grown a lot in the almost 16 months since I've had Logan.
My heart warms when I see him smile, laugh, and or learn something new.
He just amazes me as I am sure every child does to their parents.
I am still learning some patience, but Logan sure is going to teach me if it kills him..or wait, kills me, whatever I am getting there!
I think of Arianna often. I know she's always with me since she's in my heart.
I have to check on Logan when he sleeps now though, it's just my thing now..
My heart is full..an angel and a prince.
My heart, my BOY!

Facts & Finds..

Fact: We have more than enough stuff!
Fact: Moving has allowed me to go through everything and see what we're keeping, is to be sold, and or be thrifted.
Fact: I am still going through all of the boxes.
Fact: We're actually moving along nicely for just having moved in yesterday.
Fact: Good thing the moving company comes back for all of the boxes and paper - also a good thing they recycle it all...cause there's a lot of it! : )

Find: I found three panels of curtains for our room for $9 at the thrift store.
Find: I found a nice comfy pair of jeans my size for $1.50 at the thrift store.
Find: I found one nice top for the holidays and three other tops at the thrift store.
Find: I found Polish pottery as well.
Find: I found that moving shows you what you have, in the way of material things at least, and I am greatful for all that I have!

Here's to God's provision!

The DOG!

When you start out with,"The dog," it can never be good.
I went to the thrift store at 10am. It's only open on Tuesdays and Thursdays if that helps to explain my excitement.
I was on a mission, curtains for our bedroom and cheap if you PLEASE!
For those of you who don't know, Germans love big windows, Germans built our apartment, so we have the BIG windows.
So, I find the curtains, three panels, a total of $9 bucks. I can handle that.
I also find a few other things.
Come home, my hands are full and so I can't make it all the way up - ring my husband and he comes down to help me.
This is when it happens...
The dog somehow gets out, only we don't see Kahlua actually get out, rather I get someone ringing our apartment on the intercom.
"Do you have a black dog?" They ask me.
"Yes," I say confused.
"Well she's out here running around and she pooped on the front door mat too." She says.
"Okay, I am coming," I say mortified.
I get Kahlua upstairs, race back over to the thrift store for two decent floor mats, give the to my Husband and have him talk to the poor woman who's now mopping the steps near the door.
Bad thing is, I KNOW THIS WOMAN.
She's April from the PWOC (the chapel group.)
Well, here's to first impressions!
Bleck...

Sunday..

It's Sunday.
We move tomorrow.
Our termination date for the apartment we're in now is Wednesday.
We seem to have drive now to get things done.
We went through everything and know what's going and what's not going.
One thing I realized is that we have way too much stuff.

I started going through this huge bag of Logan's old baby clothes.
Basically he had grown out of it before we'd ever left Germany for Colorado back in Feb.
127 article of clothing, several items were never worn and two still have tags on them.
Then there is his co-sleeper, 3 Pooh hampers, Pooh nursery bedding and Infant toys.
I am sending a few things to my girlfriend, Anna, and then planning on selling the rest on Stars and Stripes or an online site for the military over here in Germany.
Later on I plan on having a basement sale for stuff from the house that we no longer need.

Yeah and we as American's like to talk about what we don't have. I think if we listed what we do have, we'd realize our blessings more often. No one in my family is in want at least.

I do believe this is God teaching me about materialisim again.
Hmm...perhaps it will stick to my heart now!

Hopefully the next time I blog, it will be from my house. Hopefully when we go to the new place tomorrow the internet and phone will be working...

We shall see. Take it to heart, YOU HAVE TOO MUCH STUFF!

The Weekend..

Still no phone or internet at home.
We should have it hooked up today, then we'll have it by Monday.
I am at the PX using a computer.

I am in procrastination mode right now.
We don't have a lot to do, but I am being really slow about what we do have to do in order to move.
I just cannot seem to get my fire lit.

Last night was fun. We went to Mainz and met up with our church friends that have a church plant there. It is a bit unusual as our church now owns a hotel and they're all living in it. It is interesting to see what it is now and what it was. We ate yummy waffles and played cards. Try sitting and playing cards when the lanuage is German. I was def. the fish out of water, but it almost reminded me I need to be trying harder to learn German now.

Today, is just a slow day of sorts. Lance had to work from 0900-1400. He has kennel care and they had a DEMO for the Boy Scouts. Not sure why the Boy Scouts need to see Military working dogs, but hey it counts for Lance's training and with all of his time back in the states, Lance needs that time for his records. Lance goes to Cert. in December, from the 8th to the 12th, so I am a bit nervous about how he and Karlo will do since they haven't been training as much with Lance's leave and then having 24 hr. watch on another dog. Lance tells me not to sweat it, but I do wonder.

I am very proud of Lance. He's going to start school again in January. At last we get to see an offical evaluation of all of his college work and then his military work. We've almost been married 5 yrs. and I have pushed him that long to get on it and I think he's finally taking it to heart. I am holding off on school for the moment. I may take the seminar class I need, but other then that we are going to see where he is before we work on my education. It's a long story, but I am fine with it.

And there it is, Thanksgiving is on its way and soon it will be Christmas.
We look forward to enjoying it as a family.
And onward to 2009, I know it will be a great year coming..

Moving on up...Moving on up..

Up the street that is.
From Texas Strasse to California Strasse.
Busy is the name of the game though.
Lance and I have to get the house cleaned and ready to move out of to move into our new place.
Did you get all of that? HaHa!
Basically we have to have a pre-inspecition on the new place, write down anything that's out of place so we're not liable when we move, then we have to have a pre-inspection on our old place so we know what we have to clean. Then our finaly inspection is on the 26th, after we've moved and cleaned.
So, much for a nice relaxing weekend. I will just be glad when Thanksgiving comes, that will mean all of this stuff will be over with.

On the plus side, I went to PWOC last night. It stands for Protestant Women of the Chapel. It is a program they have on-post which does bible studies and various Christian activies. So, I am excited about that, and I am ready to start helping. I offered my services and might get a chance to do the newsletter and help with a "Tea" that will be held on the 10th of December. I am also ready to get back to Frankfurt church of the Nazarene. I have missed our German friend's and our American counterparts there as well.

So..that's where life is at the moment, a little hetic, but worth every moment.

Ham I am..

So, we sort of invited ourselves over to someone else's Thanksgiving.
Okay, Lance, asked if we could come to a friend and co-worker's for Thanksgiving.
I then proceeded to open my mouth and say that I could bring a ham.
It's not that I am against cooking, but I didn't know it was this big thing.
So, luckily I just found a good recipe for Honey Glazed ham and I am going with it.
I'll let you all know if it was edible.
I am back into the routine of doing dinner.
I forgot how much I like cooking. I cooked some in the states, but I like that I can do it at home without all of the, I like this or she needs something not spicy...you know no complaints.
Tonight was Sour Cream and Salsa, it is one of the easiest meals you can make and then it is Lance's favorite. I made it even spicier than normal and it was pretty darn good if I do say so myself.

I am finally getting the "apartment" ready. I am finally coming out of the jet-lag funk that is.
It is really hard to stay motivated when I know we are moving soon. But it's livable. I am so ready to get out of there. I may be overstating it, but I am.

I need curtains for the living room. The ones we have are just not working and I think I will be able to use them for the dining room. So, that means Lance will have to measure this huge window and off to IKEA we go - off post that is, for these curtains. I have never in my life seen such huge windows. Maybe it's another way Europeans save on electricity - it's the only thing I can figure.

I have so much I want to do. I am in a baking mood. Saturday I made muffins and froze them and today I got stuff for Choc. Chip cookies, Cranberry, and Banana breads. I want to get all of my baking out of the way early so I can just take out and give when I need to. That means I also have to stamp some Christmas cards to go along with them and I would also like to work on a bunch more cards as well - my stash is low.

All of these while I am trying to figure out activities for Logan. I have two activity books that I need to start reading. Now that I am out of the jet-lag funk it should be a whole lot easier. People think I am nuts, but I also plan on making edible play dough. I figure it will help Logan in creating things and be a thinker..he shows lots of potential - I guess all children do, it just seems to be different when they're yours. I want the world for this boy and I just hope in time he knows that.

Well I am off........

With Love from Deutchland (Germany!)

Okay,

So, I missed the 9th of November and now 8 days. While I am sure each of you misses my blog, I am almost sure that you are each alive and well in spite of it not being published. I am in the PX area using the internet because we still don't have a connection and I feel a tad bad for using my friend's and also, I am waiting on laundry. The story of my life, MASS AMOUNTS of laundry that appear when my Husband is alone without me.

We're moving. We should finally get to look at places tomorrow. I am ready to be out of this ugly apartment building. If I could be so nice, I would say nicely it needs to be demolished after we and the last family is out. (On December 13th.) If I could show you all what it looks like now, you'd agree - trust me, this is not me being dramatic.

I have so many ideas running through my head. We're going to a friend's for Thanksgiving and I am doing a ham. I have plans to bake for Lance's company for Thanksgiving and then again for Christmas. I should say for the "Rear-D" since the company is in Iraq. I also, plan on baking for the soldiers at the Kennels as well...hmm, I wonder if I would be allowed to get the dogs something to snack on...

Life is well just life. I am a bit out of sorts due to the jet-lag. I miss Arianna everyday, and yet here I am with Lance and Logan...Just keep praying for us..

And soon this blog will be what I intended it...a mesh of my life, tips, and articles...

Until then....as I say ALWAYS, GOD BLESS YOU!

Well, well, well - We leave in two days!

Opps I forgot to blog yesterday.
I think we'll all live.
We had an early Thanksgiving my Mom prepared for us since we're leaving early.
It was good food, and good seeing the family again before we leave!
We leave for Aroura today to get Logan's passport.
Then we are planning to stay at my cousin's over night because she, Cindy, and her girls wanted to see Logan again before we leave. (Obviously it's not about Lance or I! : )P)
So, it'll be worth the trip now.
Then tomorrow we really clean,mail, and hang out on Veteran's day, and then Wednesday we go.
We (Logan and I) fly from Denver to Chicago, then to Frankfurt. Lance flies out of Colorado Springs, will meet with us in Chicago, and then we all go to Frankfurt. I am hoping Logan is good for us. As good as a 15 month old can be on a plane for 8+ hours.
I feel like a huge chapter is ending.
I am not sure how I will look at 2008.
I am not sure if I've grown or not, I will do my year in review soon, but for now I am just looking forward to getting to my own home.

1/2 Accomplished....

Is there such a thing as 1/2 accomplished?

Well we mailed two footlockers out yesterday. It wasn't as bad as I thought, $55 and 62 lbs. of stuff. We still have two to mail, but one is ready and the other we're keeping open until Tuesday in case there's any extra stuff that needs to go in, oh and did I mention we're getting a German coffee machine from my Pastor since they can't use it here - which is totally AWESOME to me! And to make me very happy, everything else that needs to go is nicely stacked (by my husband) and ready to go. YAY!

Last night was a bit hard. I went to a card making night, it was actually a scrap night, but I ended up making cards, and the sad thing, I had to say," Goodbye," to my great friends. It will be hard not to drive down the street for workshops and get-togethers, but maybe that's just a push for me to do them in my own home when I get back.

I think 2008 has been a great learning year for me. I know what is truly important and I know the woman I want to be. I have been married 4 yrs., been pregnant twice, lost a child, and grown in my faith. It has not be easy, but I feel that as we go into 2009 I will have the best chance at being the best me and not just a lukewarm person that I could have been if certain events hadn't happened.

I will have more added to the blog soon.
It will include reading lists and various things like that.

Taking stock...

It is hard to believe that next Thursday I will be typing from Germany again.
I woke up and realized that a lot is going on that I A) Didn't want to deal with or B) Didn't realize was going on.
I am holding off on school until January and then I am just going to finish the four classes I need for the degree I was already working on.
I also realized I have ben eating and spending my grief away - to a point, I believe Lance has been too. We're both over weight and it shows. Logan is even a bit chunkier although I don't think his is totally because of "eating" like ours is.
I don't know how people see me honestly.
I think about everything that has happened in my life and the only thing I know for sure is that God is with me.
Maybe I haven't been living it out like I thought I was or how I want to be, but I realized that today.
I am taking stock in who I am and who I want to be.
It's hard to look at yourself in the mirror and see the potential that others and God sees in you.
I was in the shower thinking and I realized that I need to take the next two months to get my home in order, my weight in check, and love on my soon before I head dive into school.
I also have plenty of baking to get to and all that sort of stuff for the holidays.
Often times it's hard for me to wait on things, but I am going to do it this time and really take care of my family and myself, also healing some more too.
I know there are more hard days ahead, but I am ready for them and am taking them head on.

So much to get rid of, So much to pack, So much, So little TIME!

I am up early.
Story of my life lately.
I know it's a season.
Last night Lance and I finally started going through stuff and packing, that was after like two days of me trying to get the motivation to do it.
I was telling Lance this morning that when you go, go, go you're find until you take that first relaxing moment and then you're doomed. That was me today. Suddenly I am super tired.
Anyway, after I write this I am off to get the stuff that can be trashed out of the room, get the Goodwill stuff ready, and finish packing our footlockers.
Here's to leaving a clean room when we leave and to getting my house cleaned when I get home!

God still reigns today....

Obama won the presidency.
I came home to that victory last night.
I was highly disappointed, but now as I said, "I will respect him in office."
This does not mean all of the sudden I agree with him or like him even, but you cannot expect things to always go your way, or expect things for you, your family and so on and not be willing to give them, when things are not going your way.
Commander and Chief, is the highest title of our nation and I must respect that title.
All I can do for this man is pray for him. That is my call to duty now.
I will wonder a lot about the future, but again I must remind myself that God doesn't promise us tomorrow, so we, I, need to focus on today and what, we, I can doo in it.
We must not wallow in what is not.
We can still fight for the things we believe in everyday. It shouldn't be only at election time that we suddenly care about our values.
For me, I can love my son and fight the pro-choice movement every day.
I can stand up for marriage, by standing along side my husband.
I can fight for Christian values by having them in my home and evevn when I am in my community.
I can fight for the troops, by taking care of the soldiers in my husband's company and their familes and even those I meet in passing.
You see it is not just every four years that we should be doing this, it's every second, minute, hour of everyday that we should seek to know who we are and to fight for what we believe in.

God truly bless America and lead us Father........

God is good, going home..

Things are just working out.
I knew they would, but it was very stressfull yesterday hearing everything I heard at once.
So, anyway, today we figured out Kahlua can get in the clinic tomorrow at 0730 and Logan get get in to get a passport the same day on Friday the 7th.
It's a lot of running around, but it's worth it for all of us to be home on the 12th rather than the 29th, which was our original date until everything happened.
My Mom decided she is doing Thanksgiving this coming Sunday - not for me, as she told me, but because she wants to FEED Lance. Guess I am dog meat..well no surprise there! : )P
Anyway, I am just relaxing now..writing from the laptop while we (Lance and I ) watch football..
By the way, did I mention I am a converted Gator?? Well I finally went to the dark side..
So, we're watching College football now, the greatest thing a wife can do with her husband! : )P

So.......on to tomorrow.....another day!

Sometimes I dare to ask why...

My son is sick, OFFICALLY.
Sometimes I dare to ask why.
I have to call my bank this morning.
Sometimes I dare to ask why.
I have to pack three footlockers today
and mail them home.
Sometimes I dare to ask why.
I have got so much to do and am so un-motivated.
Sometimes I dare to ask why.....

See future blog for answers. HaHa!

Fall back....to SLEEP that is!

My Mom and Dad let Lance and I have a date night.
It was nice. We just went down the road to a place called Rhinos for lack of anything else to do.
We sat, had a few drinks, talked to each other.
It made me remember when it was just he and I.
People would say He and I have had it rough lately, but you know honestly WE are trusting God and God has been very faithful to us.
I def. cry from time to time, but I have the most amazing man who just knows how to be there for me. No matter what, I know that God and our love for one another will help us withstand any test.

We came home at 2100, I know lame date night, but we're old fogies..haha!
We then go to bed at 2145 and at some point I lift my head up to hear my husband pulling my son out of his crib and into our bed...I then proceeded to fall back asleep at that point in time.
But, I so cannot wait for my son to have his own room again when we get home.
I have shared a room with him now for almost 9 months.
Granted Logan's sleeping better than ever, but early this morning he decided he was awake.
As I said, Lance brought him to bed, (I know bad Mommy and Daddy) and Logan sat up and wouldn't go to sleep. You figure he's in bed with us..sleep would be the next step - HA!
Finally after getting me some water and Logan some juice, Lance put Logan back in his crib.
He then told Logan to lay there. (Funny how it works for Daddy to say something to him.)
Logan laid back down, but then of course I was awake! Wide awake!
I had asked Lance what time it was, he had said two, but when I finally came upstairs and started the laptop it read 0150, so that means the clock he had looked at wasn't set back right. Ugh, fall back is the term and now I wish I could "fall back" to sleep.
It's Sunday and we have Sunday school and church later.
Of course by then I will be dragging.

I love being Logan's Mommy though.............wouldn't change it for the world.
Today is the 10 day countdown, November 12th, we'll be home in Wiesbaden..

Lions, Tigers, and Bears - Oh My!

Lions, Tigers, and Bears - Oh My!

We went to Fall Festival last night at my folks church. Normally we go to our church, but they didn't have one this year.Logan was a lion cub and def. had the attitude to match.He went all over the church too. We let him get a lil candy, but not too much.I don't dig the 14 1/2 month olds eating candy, so it was easy to limit him.I had a great time watching him run around.It was funny, he wouldn't keep him mane on, but his crazy curly hair worked as one. I have a ton of pictures.Then we ended up at dinner at Red Robin. Lance had some strange burger and I had my usual Chicken ceasar wrap. Yeah, I hate change, haha!Then we came home. I don't dig watchign horror movies or stuff on Halloween and that is like all that was on TV, so me being the history nerd, I settled for something on the History Internation channel.My folks got home at 2115 and Lance and I were in bed by 2130.I am now up at 0330, don't ask me.But it was a good night, a family night.

Voting..

I don't really want to get into it, but I voted.
I stood in a line at the Mall for early voting and voted.
Did I mention I stood there for two hours?
That's right, two hours and then it was like ten minutes of that two hours to vote.
This is my second election.
I was tired and my back hurt, but I was proud to be an American.

Lions, Tigers, and Bears - Oh My!

We went to Fall Festival last night at my folks church.

Normally we go to our church, but they didn't have one this year.

Logan was a lion cub and def. had the attitude to match.

He went all over the church too. We let him get a lil candy, but not too much.

I don't dig the 14 1/2 month olds eating candy, so it was easy to limit him.

I had a great time watching him run around.

It was funny, he wouldn't keep him mane on, but his crazy curly hair worked as one.

I have a ton of pictures.

Then we ended up at dinner at Red Robin.

Lance had some strange burger and I had my usual Chicken ceasar wrap. Yeah, I hate change, haha!

Then we came home.

I don't dig watchign horror movies or stuff on Halloween and that is like all that was on TV, so me being the history nerd, I settled for something on the History International channel.

My folks got home at 2115 and Lance and I were in bed by 2130.

I am now up at 0330, don't ask me.

But it was a good night, a family night.

In a FOG..

Took a natutal sleep aid last night.
Now I slept over 8 hours and am still in a fog.
I am thinking on weather or not I should go back.
My men are on the plane now. I feel bad cause when I talked to them, Logan sounded cranky.
That is not good for the people flying.
We'll see when I pick them up tonight.
I don't think I will take this sleep aid again.
Guess I can't any way with Logan come home.
I get to relax for the rest of today, then tomorrow it's run around time.

My weight is still bleck. I can't seem to get back into that good groove. I keep saying as long as I can maintain until I get home, which makes me sad, but I know that it's the best I can do until I get there. Upon Arianna's passing I really had a set back, not so much by crying and what not, but I have def. been emotionally eating. I hope to have all of the weight gone by June and so we'll just have to see. I have go to get a grip on it.

For now I am just focusing on the time we have left
here in the states.

I don't want to get out of my PJs..

First of all I forgot to mention that my Aunt's work gave Arianna a star. That's right our little star, has an actual star, in a constilation, in the sky. I was so shocked and amazed. They send you a certificate and a picture of where the star is. So, now we know she's shining down on us, especially at night. Thanks Wells Fargo!!

Second, I think about the fact that it is 10:18am.
I am still in my pajamas too.
I haven't done that in awhile to tell you the truth.
I always try to shower and get dress, put on my make-up so that I feel better weather I am venturing out the door or not.
But what the heck is wrong with a little PJ action?
Nothing I guess, but I hear a voice telling me to get ready..I think it's my Father's, haha!
Anyway, I feel like things are only going to get busier right before we leave and then def. after.

Tomorrow night I pick up my man and little man at the airport.
That's right motherhood ressumes tomorrow.
The break has been nice, but I do miss my baby boy - oh yeah and my husband too, haha!

On Friday, I have to vote in the early morning, if I don't want to be standing in line that is. I also, need to see if I can get Kahlua into the groomers, she smells and needs her nails clipped, and then we have an appointment with HS (again) so they can see Logan and close the file, at 1400.

Then Saturday I told my Dad that we'd have everything we don't need mailed off to our home in Germany. Yeah, that's three footlockers worth of stuff, so not look forward to finishing getting that together and dragging it to the post-office.

Sunday is full too, Sunday School, church, some leisure time, and then off to bible study. That's more than fine though, I more than need my Sundays with God!

Then within the next week I have various things to do, one to get all my paperwork into CTC so I can start classes on Nov. 24th. Since I will be an online student I am having to get my stuff in two weeks earlier, the deadline is the 10th and wouldn't you know it we get back to Germany on the 12th and no late registrations are accepted.

Obviously, the big thing, WE leave on November 12th from CO, back to Germany, YAY for 10 hour flights with 15 month olds, haha!

So, yeah, fun times getting everything done and in. But my husband is a good man, and we will take a trip for my bday, it's a week after my bday, but that's because we couldn't get my bday weekend, so we're heading down to the Munich area, a military resort, called Edelwiess. This will be what I deem our first family vacation and considering everything that has gone on this past year, I say that we need it - time to be a family and enjoy one another. It's so close to Austria, we may end up there at some point as well. I am very excited, traveling is something I love and I am ready to see Europe now. Though I feel like Ari should be here, I know she's looking down on us from heaven and with God will protect us, watch over us, and we will celebrate her wherever we go.

You were amazing.......sweetheart, I love you!

Sorry, PEOPLE!

*Disclaimer, when I blog at O-dark thirty, excuse the poor grammar mistakes, lol!*

Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much.-Blaise Pascal

Well, I am up again way too early. 0345 today. It's always between 0300-0400 that I stir. I don't know why, now it's just a programming. I remember being in high school, during the week days it was 0530, but any day I wasn't in school anything before 0900 was terrible. I guess I can thank the dog for "thudding" to the ground for waking me. I am downstairs in the basement and you can hear EVERYTHING. I just don't know why that dog thinks she has to hop of, I mean, "Hello," we know you're there when A) WE hear YOU or B) WE find YOUR HAIR, on the couch in the morning, but I guess if she think being sneaky helps so be it - But Kahlua, seriously we know!

I did do my online devotion though. I also emailed who I needed to email today. I even did our budget to get us through until the 15th of November. This check is going to be nice..it's paying the bills, getting us home, and getting me to school - can't complain at all. I am not saying the Army or military life in general is easy, but at the same time I think where we'd be if Lance and I were married and not in the Army - I just can't see it. We live very comfortably for an almost 24 year old and a 28 year old. While deployments are never easy, I thank God for blessing our steps, especially with Lance's Army career and the fact that since 2006 he's actually got a job he loves to do.

Anyway, so I feel somewhat accomplished. Yesterday the roomed was finally all cleaned, but I am dreading having to send what we have home. We have three foot-lockers - plus each of us will have a carry-on and suitcase for the plane. This poof that we as people have way too much stuff. I am already giving away what we don't need to either the Salvation Army or friends, but still we're sending plenty home. Then my mind keeps wandering to all I will have to do when I get to my house, bleck, more stuff. But I do plan on a basement sale down stairs in our Apartment after I organize and seperate everything. So, I feel good - soon it will be done.

Then there's voting. My Dad sent me the link to my voter registration, so I looked and I can vote early up north here. So, I will be voting, in my second election on October 31st. I am very excited. Some people don't believe voting matters or that voting for your morals makes a difference, but I believe other wise. If everyone in the country said, "It doesn't matter," and only one person came out to vote, then guess what - THAT PERSON'S VOTE MATTERED. Anyway, enough about that, I know people are passionate about their politics..

It's almost 0515, I will probably call the boys in FL and then I am thinking more shut-eye sounds good...so this is me, for this morning at least........

Done!

They came, they went, it's over.
The woman from Human Services was really nice and really understanding and to be quiet fank, sorry that she had to ask us to re-hash our stories.
She took us into seperate rooms and asked us to tell our stories.
Same things as the detectives basically.
But again we were not under suspicion, my Grandmother and I, so it is OVER.
Now we just wait for the paperwork and determination.
WE may never know, but again, we're trusting in God and that he has our Ari in heaven with him.

Well, it's TUESDAY.

I am dreading today somewhat.
Human Services is stopping by to finalize things.
I am praying it goes quickly.
I pray that it's just the end.
Tomrrow will be 2 weeks since Arianna's passing.
It's hard to believe.
I think about things a lot in the shower.
Today I was thinking about her tiny little face.
The devil keeps playing with my mind,
I have even thought that I would gladly have traded places with her.
I think about how innocent she was and the plans we had for her, Logan, well all of us.
Then I realize this is Satan trying to get me to lose sight of the promise, that God is with us and will take care of us no matter the situation.
And I do believe that.
So, after today, we'll be able to move on I think..or at least move on better.

Oh, the stuff to do..

Well upon reading my blog from yesterday, I realize that I need an editor. Ha-Ha. I apologize for the errors!

Anyhow, my dog, Kahlua, has her appointment for her health certificate on Nov. 3rd. If I do not get ahold of Fort Carson and get an appointment for then, I am going to have to go to Banfield pet hospital and pay $75 instead of the $10-12, I would have to pay at Fort Carson. I guess either way my dog will be going home and I should be thrilled about that, can you tell I am thrilled, Ha-Ha. I love her, but honestly, she's a Daddy's girl. Can you tell I am jealous? : )P

So, Kahlua is taken care of, now I need to deal with our room. I am constantly wondering how we gathered so much in here or how three people survive in one room. Our two bedroom apartment in Germany is looking really good right now, although I have lots to clean there too, once we get back. I know I'll be having a basement sale as soon as I've got it all seperated and organized. God has continually convicted me that we have to many material possessions, so I aim to get rid of what we don't wear, use or watch and hopefully that'll also get us some cash to help pay off our debt. Back to our room here in Colorado! It is let's just say a Type A's worst nightmare. I have to seperate what I need to mail home, give away, and or get to Goodwill, and also file all of the papers and paperwork that needs to go home with us. I am not dreading doing it, it's just that this laptop is entertaining me a lot this morning and I keep telling myself I have all day to do it, since for the first time in two weeks I am actaully completely alone......here's to getting a shower and getting it all done today!

Well okay, lots not forget the dog is here with me....again I say, Daddy's girl.

So, maybe I'm PSYCHO.

Maybe I am psycho, but I am researching homeschooling. I am feel very strongly that I want to homeschool Logan (and my future children) at least until middle or high school depending on our situation and then he (they) would attend a Christian school - but I do not approve of public schools. I realize some people have to do what they have to do, but both Lance and I feel very strongly about being involved what our children are or will learn. Now here comes the really psycho part. I want to start small activities when we get home and keep adding until he's three when I would look at buying an actual school circ. Lance and I have talked and we've decided that when we get home, the bottles, all three of them, will be tossed out, and it will be sippy cups all the way, we will begin potty training, and working hard on his speaking and signing vocabulary. Obviously the last 8 months have been difficult with me being pregnant and then Arianna's passing. Logan is the average 14 month old, but I feel like I should and could be doing more. I don't want my son to suffer because I am tired, sad, or anything like that. I feel that if I focus on my school, I had better focus on his "schooling" or learning as well. Logan has a great interest in music and coloring, so I know I can use those - and just do a few basic things until we really start. So, maybe I am crazy, but I need not only Logan to learn, but I need lots to keep me going.

Ash

Sunday, the day of REST.

Sunday is the day of rest.
Or so it is written.
Maybe it's in my humanity, but on Sunday, I am not at home resting.
But it is interesting to note where we get our rest and what true rest is.
This is how my day looks, wake up, get showered and ready, eat breakfast, get to sunday school, and if I have Logan, get him to the nursery, then some chit-chat, make it to service. After that I usually drive home, we have lunch, and well I have a few hours of leisure time before I head to my evening bible study. Doesn't reading that just exhuast you?
Well, it may seem like a lot, but it's really refreshing for me.
I love going to sunday school and learning from my leader. Jay, is just an amazing teacher, it helps that he teaches at NBC (our bible college) and teaches as a professor. Sometimes we joke with him that he's too deep for the early morning, but honestly I thrive on being forced to go into the deep places of my heart.
And my Pastor well he's just one of the best. He really is a man of God and has a huge heart. So, going to the service is always a life lesson type thing.
That for me is rest. My head learns and my heart is touched.
Then of course fellowshiping, that speaks for itself. A women, let alone me, needs conversation and get-to-gethers.
Today was a more of the same. Everyone asked how I felt, and I answered how I could. I basically have really rough early mornings, mainly in the shower if you can believe it. But I am okay. Honestly, I am just taking it day by day.

Well I am off to join my leisure now...ha-ha...
God bless you all!

On Tuesday this will ALL be over

The funeral was beautiful. That is all I can say about it. It was very comforting to hear my Pastor and other speak, I even mangaged to hold it together to speak. It's never something you can imagine doing, but it's done and it was beautiful. Now if I can just get past Tuesday. Human Services still apparently had to come, so our appointment is for 1600 on Tuesday. I don't have anything new to say, but I will tell them what I told the cops. I just thought it was over and yesterday they came by to talk with me about needing to meet. On all days of course, it was yesterday. So, just say prayers for me!! Lots of them.

In other news: My husband and my son are leaving for Florida this morning, like now at 0420. Yeah, glad I won't be on the plane this morning, ha-ha! I am a little sad I cannot go, but like I've said they need to see that side of the family. As a mother I cannot help but be happy about getting 5 days to myself, you know being able to go to the bathroom without an audience, being able to just walk off somewhere..it's not that I am complaining, but a moment to one's self is nice.

My bestfriend in the entire world is here too. So, today, Christina, Kelly and I plan to go do a lil' shopping. I might get a new pair of jeans and maybe a pair of shoes, but I really don't need to try ans figure out how to pack much more. Of course, packing up our insanity downstairs falls on me this week, so Friday the 31st we can get what we don't need in the mail. Fun times, ya know.

Well that's about it here, things are moving along.
I love you Arianna!

Goodbye Arianna..

I woke up again atg 0415. I guess I am just programmed after being woke up by two children off and on for awhile. I woke up and realized this is the day, the day we will say,"Goodbye." Lance and I have been married 4 1/2 yrs. today as well. It just really seems strange that we're saying goodbye to our daughter. My bestfriend in the entire world, next to Lance of course, Christina, came in yesterday morning. In this strange way it felt good to be with her and yet we obviously knew it should be under better circumstances. Then my Dad and sister, Danielle, arrived last night. Due to circumstances they came in on two different flights - Lance and I picked Danielle up and then later my Dad came in, got a rental car, and came to get Danielle. It was midnight by then. So, you can imagine I was surprised by the fact that I still got up so early. But I suppose I just needed time to think. I confess I think too much, but I am not sure that'll ever change. I got Lance's clothes and my clothes ready, Logan spent the night with his Aunt and has his little suit ready to go too. I am not sure how I will react to the service today, but, again, I know God will give me strength. I will cry and he will know my sorrow. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Hmm..The Day Before Goodbye..

So, I got up early again. I got on the computer, then went back for a snuggle with Lance and Logan. Then I sat on the bed and finished Arianna's memory book. Ari was such a cutie-pie. Perhaps I am bias, but hey she was! : ) It was hard to look at her though. Not sure why I would feel that way, but it was. I am just glad her book is done to honor her the way I know how and that's through scrapbooking. Then Lance helped my Mom clean. He is such a sweetheart for letting me be upstairs on the computer and talking to my bestfriend, Christina. Guess I owe him one, hee hee. So, today is a harder day, but I am still going - trusting in my heavenly Father to guide me.

To the Future WE look!

It's hard, we are not promised tomorrow the Lord says and yet I keep looking forwards. Lance, Logan, Kahlua, and I will head back to Germany on November 12th now due to our circumstances and while I love my family, my friends, and all of the people I have met over the last 8 months, I am so ready for my own home, my own bed, my castle if you will. I am the Queen of somewhere and it's an apartment in Wiesbaden. While I am saying all of that I realize how disorginized everything is, what I will be returning to. I haven't seen my house since Feb. but I know it is just a mess. I have to go through Logan's clothes. The ones we left were small infant clothes and now he's in 12-18 months, my husband has more clothes than any soldier on the planet I think, and the kitchen and living room need re-organizing. I think the theme of my heart is "Fresh start," not that I will ever forget my daughter, Arianna, but we do have to go on for Logan as well as each other and I quiet frankly am keeper of my home and I take care of Lance and Logan. Anyway, I am looking forward to the challenge and to start a new year, a new. I think my biggest project will be the master bedroom. I def. think Lance and I will need a place to be able to talk and relax. Out of 4 1/2 yrs. of being married, about 1/2 has been apart. it is insane to me. Sometimes I think to myself, "I didn't get married, to be alone," but then again I am an Army Wife, and the call of duty to a degree comes before the family and if that is my duty as Lance's wife, then I will do it happily. Here's to redecorating!!

Hello.

My Sister-n-law, Carolyn, had a blog and so I thought it would be a great idea to start one of my own, that way everyone can check up on me and the family when they want to. I love writing so it shouldn't be hard for me to keep it updated. This past week has been very difficult with the passing of Arianna, but it has also shown me who is there for me and my family and how important communication is. As time goes on, I hope you enjoy what you read and I hope that in some small way it will bless you.

Love,
Ashley